Fat Tuesday!

So in my world...today was my FAT TUESDAY! I blew it in every sense of the word today. It all began with 2, yes 2, chocolate glazed doughnuts. Then to lunch after church with the fam, at Moe's. I had a steak, cheese, rice and lettuce. I had a few chips, but did not have the cheese dip. I did however have a real coke with several refills...Then a lovely dinner at home. Baked talapia, broiled shrimp dipped in melted butter, steamed spinach, rice, strawberries (that yes, I dipped and covered in chocolate-YUMMM). I ended it all with a cupcake!

I feel lousy. I am back on tomorrow in full swing. I will not be participating in the infamous fat Tuesday feast this week and will move straight into the lenten season. What am I giving up? I am not yet sure. Since I have given up so many unhealthy things I now realize that not only do they make me feel bad, but it changes my attitude. I never realized that it directly related to my mood, but after a day with little water, I can absolutely tell a difference in how uncomfortable I am. So back to the grind. I am down 5 still and don't want to backtrack. One day of binging was enough for me.

Oh and Happy Fat Valentines! haha!

Weekend, failure or success!!!

So the truth be told, the weekend is most often my downfall. I try and take some time off from cooking and cleaning and do what is easy. So how did I fair??? Well Friday was the snow day that we wait for for many years. I enjoyed every minute of it. I ate 2 small sausage buscuits for breakfast. Not great but not awful either in the weight loss world. Then skipped snacks and went straight to lunch. I ate some leftover baked ziti. I used whole grain pasta and turkey. Then the snow began to fall right before Avery got off the bus! We had a grand time getting cold and wet. Snowball fights and attepmting a snowman. We gave up because it was mostly dirt and we decided to wait until Saturday. I did have a delicious cup of hot chocolate after we came in. Dinner, okay I couldn't change it. Friday night is pizza night here at our house and I truely love pizza. So I had 2 peices of pepperoni, with tea sweetened with Splenda! No coke! Saturday was a great day! I got up and made a 2 egg omlet with cheese. Weight watchers yogurt for lunch. Then I got Zaxby's for dinner...I got a salad, not the chicken fingers I sooooo love! I am happy to announce that as of today I am down 5 pounds!!! Yay me! It is so far all related to portion control. I know that it won't come off as quickly after this week of period and antibiotics, but it sure is nice to begin on a high! Now I am even more encouraged and hop that tomorrow, Valentines day, I can be good! I did get some cupcakes for dessert, but also got some strawberries! I will be good, I will be good, I think I can, I think I can...Wish me luck!!!

Well I did okay today...

So the morning began with a bowl of grape nuts with honey on them. Warm and yummy. Water to drink since I am out of my favorite hot tea. Then on to lunch where I had my weight watchers soup. Chicken with wild rice and veggies. They are right tastey I might add. I did have 2 diet cokes today. Snack time was a some string cheese and a handful of glazed almonds. Dinner...Arby's...So I decided to forgo the favorite deep fried potatoe cakes and had just the roast beef sandwich, no soda, just water! I also treated myself to a red heart shaped lollipop. A little valentines treat. So not a great day in the world of dieting, but not the worst either. I did turn down a chocolate cookie offered to me by one of my students tonight. There is where my downfall tends to stem from, a little here and there may not hurt, but it is most definately not helping the cause so why even bother!!

I Know that this is a dull and short one, but I am spent! I am feeling better though.

and so I ate some chocolate ice cream!

So after a busy morning, a yummy breakfast of whole grain bread with peanut butter and banana slices and some hot tea. I headed off to bible study. Where I spent some much needed time with my ladies and my God! It was good like always.

I have had some time to contemplate some things. I always swore I would never be that mom that lived in sweats and my hair in a pony tail. Well my motto these days is the baggier the better! I have completely left the woman's department and moved on the to the men's sweats. Let's face it, the have more belly room and pockets! Nor do they cling to my unsightly mid section that I am so appalled by. They are way roomier in the backside as well so I can wear my granny panties, (which I also swore I would NEVER own!) and be totally and completely comfortable.

But the last 2 days I have done well. I decided today that since I wasn't that hungry at lunch I would opt for yogurt. And I snacked on some string cheese and a handfull of almonds. I have increased my water intake as well and am noticing a significant difference in how I feel at the end of the day. Then I baked some chicken and served it with corn, steamed broccoli and pasta with parmesean cheese. I made my portions the same size as the kids for the pasta and used 1/4 of the plate to fill with vegies and protein. I did actually have 2 small scoops if chocolate ice cream. Ant they were worth every calorie I saved today! It was almost heavenly.

So tomorrow will be the true test, when I step on the scale. I was blessed this week with my period and a prescription for augmentin which is tough on the stomach...so as a result, I was down 2 pounds as of yesterday! Now if I could get the cough to go away the exercise portion will begin!

Losing it one day and one pound at a time!

So day 2 for me is always easy. I am motivated and raring to go. I can feel those inches slip away. HA! Well there will be many successes and failures. My minor failure for the day was the piece of left over red velvet cake from the birthday party this weekend. It was a small piece and I did VERY well with the rest of my menu.

Breakfast:
*weight watchers yogurt with some grape nuts mixed in, with water

Snack:
*handful of salted almonds, oh and the downfall of the red velvet cake! With water

Lunch:
*weight watchers frozen entree with alfredo and broccoli, with a diet coke with splenda

Snack:
*banana and 2 saltine crackers with peanut butter

Dinner:
*1/2 grilled cheese sandwich, pickle, and weight watchers italian soup, with water

All and all a prett successful day. I did not get a work out in. I should have done something on the TV...Or made the boys go ride their scooters while I walked/ran.

Nothing exciting to deal with today, but knowing that I am posting things on the world wide web is pretty good motivation. I may not have many followers yet but lets see how I do on the long term.

The day ended with me not feeling fatter, not feeling guilty because of what I ate and I started my period, so there is a good 2 pounds right there right? One can wish! My goal is to be able to wear a bathing suit this summer and not be the one that people think should NOT be out in public. (Thankfully we have 2 swimming pools in the family so the public pool is not someplace we frequent!

step on the scale...

Today I went to my local urgent care center to diagnose my sinus infection that has been plaguing me for almost 2 weeks now. I knew that they would ask me to step up on the scale, as they always do when you are triaged. However, nothing could have prepared me for the numbers that I saw glaring back at me. 173.6 lbs........I followed that with a much higher than normal blood pressure, which I promptly blamed on the psuedefed PE I had taken. Knowing full well that the dramatic rise in my blood pressure was in fact the direct result of the recent tipping of the scale.

So now begins my new journey. In this world of instant gratification, I find it much easier to eat what ever I find appealing at the moment and not acutally contemplating the results or should I say weight gain that will follow. I see people, even complete strangers and find myself immediately looking at their mid-sections to see if they look better or worse than me. Twisted I know, but I know that I am not looking my best.

I am a mother of 3, a wife of one, and 2 dogs, 8 fish, a house, a dance teacher, a Mary Kay consultant and huge extended family leaves me aching for something that is mine and only mine. For whatever reason, I have chosen food and shopping. I rely on those moments to take me back to when I was younger and resposible for so much less. It doesn't make it right, but it is why I think I do it. I have days when going to the bathroom is not even a private moment. So often I find my guilty pleasures in something sweet, or a cheeseburger, a coke, anything that is completely mine, that I don't have to share and no one can tell me I can't have it.

You know things are out of hand when you leave to shop around meal times so that you can get some sort of fast food and eat it in the car alone. I am at an impass and can no longer fit into the fat pants and let's face it, I don't want to know what the skinny jeans look like on me now. It is no longer normal for me to see slender woman that are my age with children, whom I instantly despise because they are thin. That was me once upon a time. I was the skinny one. Now I am the total and complete opposite of skinny.

Tomorrow will begin a day of better choices with each meal. Maybe joining weight watchers, or some other weight loss type program. All I know is, I can not continue on at this pace. I want the old skinny me back. And yes, I realize that I will never be high school skinny again, but I can get healthy again. I must find something else to replace the feeling that I need to have something that is only mine, food is not it!

Join me on my journey as I share my highs and lows, my successes and my failures. I know the road ahead will be bumpy and have lots of turns and hills. I am ready to conquer this and move on to a better place for myself and for my family.